I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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