Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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