Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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