you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
