i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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