It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
