I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
