you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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