just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My balls are so social today.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
