i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
