What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How external is "for external use only"?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
