so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
