her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
