i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
