He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
