dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
