Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
