They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
