Sry I called you an 8
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
