I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize