yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize