i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
