Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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