You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
