Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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