okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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