Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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