I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
whose parrot is this?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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