(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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