forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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