She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
