My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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