do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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