guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
