Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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