Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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