You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
