guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All the doctor said was why
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
