why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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