the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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