I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
