Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
