I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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