Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

(1-309): View more from Illinois

I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

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(773): View more from Illinois

Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.

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(512): View more from Texas

Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

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(706): View more from Georgia

He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes

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(602): View more from Arizona

Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM

(617): View more from Massachusetts

cool u want pads or tampons

(781): View more from Massachusetts

tampons please

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