It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
