so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
