I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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