ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
