She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
