Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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