I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
