Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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