Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
