I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
