The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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