I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
