I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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