whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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