I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Less talking, more tequila
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
