I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
