i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
