I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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