guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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