i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
