Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
