dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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