It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize