I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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