Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
