Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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