I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
