It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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