Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
