At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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