there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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