Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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