My hair reeks of homosexuality.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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