you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
