Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
