You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
