I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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