I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
