All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
