he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
