he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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