after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
