he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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