that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
