nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
