i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Enjoy the penises
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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