Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
