Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
