no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
