I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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