physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
